Cake by the Ocean

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Ah ya ya ya ya I keep on hoping we’ll eat cake by the ocean”. Do you remember this fragment of the chorus of that famous and epically tongue in cheek DNCE song? Well my dear readers, the song in a way, can accurately describe how sexually free and driven most millennials are and can be.

As a millennial myself, I wish I could have the same sexual drive many of my fellow peers have, like for real. Talking about sex is so normal for most of us – especially among close friends, like we can freely, openly and comfortably speak about our experiences, crazy moments, awkward or random places we’ve ever had sexual intercourse, and much more.

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When it comes to sex, in a way I’m more reserved than most people I know. Like, no joke. I’ve had my fair share of dalliances in my life, but overall, I’m not as experienced or liberated as many of my friends or co-workers are. Being candidly honest about this issue, I’d like to have sex, but I haven’t met someone who can make me feel emotionally comfortable enough for me to say “Yes” and not feeling bad about it.

Since I started working a few years ago, and I haven’t had that many jobs, and well, in basically all of ‘em, at least between us co-workers, there’s always that conversation about sex. Sex, sex, we’re regularly bringing up that topic. Ugh, it can be annoying at times, interesting at other, but ugh, what a damn travesty it can be on several occasions. For me, it’s a fun but awkward conversation.

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Many people I know, love having sex. They’re usually having sex, protected or not – that’s absolutely none of my goddamn business, but, goddamn it! (NOTE: Remember to always USE PROTECTION when you’re having sexual intercourse with another individual. Prevent STDs, unwanted pregnancies & HIV-AIDS) They’re fornicating with another individual at a certain frequency. And then, there’s me. That tall, fat, arrogant, petty, condescending bitch, that’s overprotective of himself. Yeah, I just threw lots of self-shade, and I honestly couldn’t care less since it’s pretty much an accurate description of myself.

Speaking of intimacy, or anything related to it, after a few experiences I’ve had in the past, instead of gaining confidence, I lost much of the few I had or sort of. And until pretty much recently, I was neglected to the idea of having sex (protected obviously!) with random people. Nowadays, I’m open now to start exploring that possibility. However, I’m a bit afraid of going there with anyone pretty quickly.

Staying on topic, my insecurities have played a large part in the way I feel about intimacy with fellow mates. It’s not difficult at the time, but it’s a tedious process for me to get there with someone else unless that person gives me that sense of security and trust. Man, having these trust issues is hard as hell.

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I must admit that I’ve been a little slutty bitch in the past, but at 22 almost 23, you’re not as hormonal as I was back at 16-17 years old. At 19, I had quite a few encounters with people, and although I felt good about them, and as of today, I really don’t regret them at all. I’m pretty much past that. I still get that desire, that feeling, those vicious vibes, but… when there’s no one to help you find them its righteous course, every man knows what to do in those instances, and I don’t need to be so explicit about this.

All I can say is that I’m not as promiscuous as the common folk would expect of me as a male. As I good old saying says: “To every rule, there are exceptions”. And, yes, I’m a true example of what the exception can be and really is. I’m a weird dude, like weird AF. And all aspects regarding intimacy, help me feel even more weirded out than everyone else.

Eventually, I’ll be eating cake by the ocean (Oh my, I said it). When? Who the heck knows, but, this time, I feel that I just need to let loose and explore that side of me. Allowing me more freedom in that aspect can help to discover things of myself I never knew. So, why not giving it a try? Wish me luck.

 

 

Until the next one folks!

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One thought on “Cake by the Ocean

  1. Pingback: One Year Later | My Unapologetic Diaries

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