Keep on living

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Keep on living. That’s something I’ve heard many times before, it’s not a new term for me and probably to anyone who happens to be reading this post. Life has proven me wrong quite a few times, and it seems that the more I try to do better, in a blink of an eye, things easily fall apart and you just feel lost.

Now, let me have my say on this whole thing: I’ve been touched by suicide at least 3 times in my so far and relatively young lifespan, and by death quite a lot more than I can just remember. For example: one of my country’s most known and positioned politicians during the 80s was my godfather when I was baptized at age 1 sometime during summer 1995, he passed away from cancer on April 1996, at that time I was 2 years old and even though my parents told me about him, his presence in my life couldn’t happen pretty much at all and well, I adopted one of my dad’s best friends as my godfather, and he’s just cool as f***. Period. Basically, I kept on living.

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I’m of these type of people that gets dissatisfied of anything with absolute ease, when it comes to school or jobs mostly, but ironically, I just don’t quit things, or at least I didn’t quit school. If I haven’t had that need of paying certain bills, I wouldn’t even think twice about leaving my current job, but as I have to be responsible and pay ‘em bills, well… I got to keep myself slummed into hell. Yes, my current job is HELL. But, I’ll talk about that later (aka once I quit and get a new one).

So… why keep on living? Life is all about completing cycles and moving forward as that’s the way we’re supposed to evolve as individuals. This phrase is quintessential to human existence. So common. So true. We can’t help it, but it does.

Lately, I’ve been struggling a lot. Besides finally getting real experience in the field I chose to study at university, and although I like what I do, the environment I’m at is just unbearable anymore. These have been some of the worst months in my life, but I’ve been through tougher times before. Still, I’ve got no other choice but to stay grounded and keep it cool, because honestly, for as much as I am severely displease by my boss’ treatment of his employees (taking s**t to the point where talking about what a previous colleague did or even mentioning his/her name is an insult to his persona), among those ME! Thank you very f***ing much. So, basically, same struggle, different day, buy you’ve got to keep on living. Simple as that.

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Also, adding to this, I’m struggling a lot with me and my sometimes impulsive, sometimes erratic, not well though decisions. It just sucks to be in a place where you have absolutely no control of your life, where to go, what to do, and basically everything. In the professional field, I just doubt about my own capacities a lot. Emotionally and psychologically speaking, I’m ready for a good therapist, but they’re really price, also in my beautiful piece of island, if you say publicly that you go to a shrink, people either look you bad saying you crazy as f***, or they just say that in your face. No joke. Dominicans here in the island, think that psychologists are not a good sign, when indeed they should be seen as a good one. But, hey! We have our own bunch of locos in the streets, so what can I say?

In the end, I have to keep on living and start working on getting my head and my thoughts altogether. I honestly have a lot of stuff that I wish I could accomplish, but I’m a working class dude, who happens not to be privileged, does not have a powerful last name, has lots of acquaintances but few friendships (like every single person should, don’t trust no b****) and so on. My dreams and talents say one thing, but life is making me learn – the hard way – that not everything is as you wish.

So, folks, if you read this, no matter how good or bad you are right this minute you’re reading this. Keep on living. The best is yet to come.

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