As the song from one of my favorite German artists, Lena Meyer-Landrut says:
As the sun goes down
Neon is all we have
And it’s calling all the lonely people
As the night goes on
We’re trying a different song
So we won’t be one of the lonely people
Feeling lonely has been something completely normal for me, especially as I am an only child. One of the many things I have to deal with is the somewhat strangeness of me being around relatives often. I live with my mom and dad, and we regularly hang out just the three of us, yes, always us three and that’s pretty much it.
When it comes to any other family members they’re usually from my maternal side, and both of my parents come from large families. On my paternal side, one of my dad’s uncles had about 37 kids alone, and another one had about 30, my grandfather had only 6 children, the oldest being my dad at almost 61 and the youngest at 17. However, on my maternal side, all of my grandpa’s 6 children are all over or near the age of 50, my mom is the eldest of them, and she’s now 61, while the younguest of all children, is about 50, not sure of her age exactly. LOL.
Now, besides these family struggles, the issue has also translated into my personal friendships. No joke. It’s kind of a tendency of letting people go naturally. Also, I’ve always had this feeling, that as I’m not one of these kids who has chances of living a lavish lifestyle, I’m not interesting to many people.
I know a lot of people, but my friends are actually very few people that I can easily count for anything, and for me, that’s the way it should be. That’s normal, and that’s how I see friendships need to be treated, with delicacy and selectiveness. Yes, by experience and by things I’ve done myself, I haven’t been the most loyal friend ever and that has caused me problems way too many times. Specially during those crazy years we call “high school“.
And just like the epic HBIC of TV series, Hit the Floor, Jelena Howard (played by Logan Browning) would say on Episode 3.09:
Raquel: What’s your biggest secret Jelena? What’s the one thing you’re afraid of saying out loud? More than anything else
Jelena: I’m terrified of being alone
Raquel: I know
And actually that’s one of my biggest fears: ending up all alone and by myself. Life has many twists and turns, so we never know exactly what is going to happen next.
I just need to start working on trying to get myself together, being less of a shy guy and see where that takes me.