Isn’t that couple beautiful? Two gorgeous male adults loving each other. Aren’t they hella cute? They really are, I must say that at least. They’re look like such an awesome & good-looking match made in heaven. Right? They kinda do.
Now when it comes to me? Well, I’ve always seen myself as a not-so wanted bachelor. It sucks, but I’ve done my bit of contributions to my eternal single status.
I’m not a supermodel. But damn son, I don’t look that bad.
So when it comes to relationships, I’ve always dreamed on having one of those beautiful relationships that I’ve seen on some of the shows I’ve been able to watch either on TV or online throughout the years, especially growing up excentrically gay as I am. Some of those are:
I mean, watching those shows, I got hard (especially with Dante’s Cove & Queer as Folk) and I started to dream about living lives like the ones of the characters, then I woke up and realized that maybe, I was dreaming way too much and that the only chance I have at standing a possibility of living something as cool as they did is exclusively by leaving everything behind and moving abroad.
Also, another big factor that contributes on me not being able to find a so-called boyfriend is that I’ve always had my guard up since something that happened to me when I started university (and soon I’ll write a post about my college years). So yeah, I’ve set myself standards that are relatively way too high for the way I look and I aspire to date men from social circles I rarely wish I want to be seen with and basically, can be friends with that kind of people but I’m like nahhhhh.
Being bluntly honest with all of you fellow readers, as any other human being, I deal with my own insecurites and anxieties every day, all day long. I know it may sound annoying or cliché, but that’s how life is: we’ve got to deal with the way we are and we always look for that someone that will take us for the way we are now and likes and loves us the way we are.
Another major issue I’ve dealt frequently is unrequited love. That happens to me all the time, I meet a guy, I start talking to him and if I find him cute, I just want to be into him all the way down. Sucks. Lately, I’ve been trying to not be so affectionate and sweet to guys as soon as I start exchanging text messages with them. The more experiences of unrequited love that I go through, the less and less hope I get that eventually someone will actually love for who I am. I know that such a statement sounds really tough to read and even say, but that’s kind of the reality I’m starting to get used to see, unfortunately.
It sucks to see how most of your friends are falling in love, start relationships, get married and start having kids (yes folks, I’m just 22 and I have quite a few friends already into having babies and stuff), and even if it’s actually the coolest and cutest thing ever. I just feel there, right in the middle, unloved, unwanted, unattended, sexually desperate and again just there. But, hey! I still have friends to ride along this thing called life.